A free coaching exercise · 15–20 minutes · nothing gets sent anywhere

Got a dilemma? Stand in it.

When a client in a session can’t decide between two paths, I don’t give them advice. I put two sheets of paper on the floor, option A and option B, and let them physically step into each one. The head can defend both options endlessly. The body can’t, and that’s exactly why in this exercise we mostly listen to the body.

This is the online version of that exercise. Live it’s stronger, I admit that. But even like this it will probably show you something you can’t see from inside your head.

1

You’ll name your dilemma and both options.

2

You’ll “step into” option A, and for a moment it will be decided. You’ll write down what the body does.

3

The same with option B.

4

A few questions I ask in sessions.

5

You’ll see both options side by side and draw your own conclusion.

Your answers are saved in the browser as you go. You can leave and come back any time, even a month later you’ll find it here.

You have a dilemma in progress. Do you want to carry on where you left off?

Step 1 — name it

Put the dilemma into one sentence. Not “I don’t know what to do with my life”, but something concrete: “Stay in my job, or quit and start my own business?”

My dilemmaOne sentence. If you need five sentences for it, it isn’t a dilemma yet, it’s fog. Try to condense it into one. Option AA short name, it will appear on the “paper”. Option BThe second paper.

Step 2 — you’re standing on paper A

Decided. There’s no way back. From this second on you’re living option A.

Before you start writing: close your eyes for 30 seconds. Imagine the first morning after you decided this way. Where do you wake up? What’s the first thought? Don’t analyse, just watch what comes. Only then write.

What did the body do first?Relief in the shoulders? A tight stomach? Energy? Heaviness? The body reacts before the head and tends to be more honest. Which emotion is the strongest?Calm, excitement, sadness, fear, boredom… Several at once is fine, write them all down. What are you afraid of in this option?Be concrete. “That I won’t manage” is a start, won’t manage what exactly? What do you gain with this option, and what do you lose?Both. Every choice costs something; that’s why it’s a dilemma.

Step 3 — you’re standing on paper B

Shake option A off yourself, physically if you like. It works. And now: decided. You’re living option B.

Again: 30 seconds, eyes closed. The first morning in this option. What do you see, what do you feel, what’s the first thought? Then write.

What did the body do first? Which emotion is the strongest? What are you afraid of in this option? What do you gain with this option, and what do you lose?

Step 4 — the questions I would ask you

Don’t rush. In a session each of them is worth ten minutes of silence.

Which paper was harder to leave?Not which option is “right”, but which one you didn’t want to step off. That’s often the more important information. What would your eighty-year-old self tell you?Bronnie Ware asked dying people about their regrets. The most common one was: “I wish I’d lived a life true to myself, not to the expectations of others.” Which of your options is true to you, and which is truer to the expectations of others? Look at both of your fears. Which of them is a fear of real danger, and which is a fear of growth?The first one protects you, the second only holds you back. And from the outside they look exactly the same. If both options turned out well, which one would you want to live?Take the risk out of the equation for a moment. What’s left is desire. And that’s the thing people forget most often when they decide. Is there an option C you haven’t let yourself see yet?Most of the dilemmas I meet in sessions are false either-ors. Sometimes C is a combination, sometimes a delay with a condition, sometimes something else entirely.

Your dilemma side by side

I won’t give you a verdict, and that’s on purpose. A decision someone else makes for you is the first thing to fall apart when things get hard. But notice one thing: twenty minutes ago you had fog in your head. Now you have two body reactions, two fears, two desires and maybe an option C in front of you.

Tip: read the summary out loud. Reading aloud, you hear things you skip over when you read in silence.

What you fill in is saved to your browser as you go. Even if you come back in a month, you’ll find it here.

When it’s a big dilemma…

…this exercise shows you the terrain, but it won’t walk it with you. In a session we do the same thing live and we have a whole two hours for it: two sheets of paper on the floor, silence and questions at the right moment. The decision is then entirely yours.

Free intro session

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