Gary Chapman noticed in couples therapy that people complain about the same thing over and over, just in five variations. One misses never hearing it out loud. Another that they are never properly together. A third feels that nobody ever touches them. So he made five languages out of it: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
But his own test asks only about one half, about what feels good to me. In sessions I find the other half more interesting. Most people give love the way they would like to get it. She tidies up, fills the fridge and sorts out what he keeps putting off. He spends the whole time waiting for her to sit down with him for an hour. Both try until they are worn out and both feel that nobody sees it. So here I ask separately about how you give, and separately about what you need.
You don’t have to be with anyone. The questions talk about someone you care about, and that can be a partner, a friend, a sibling or your child. I write in the masculine, put in whoever you need.
How it works. Three parts of ten questions each. For every sentence pick on the scale how well it fits you. Your answers save as you go in this browser, so you can come back in a month and find them here. Nothing is sent anywhere and I don’t want your email, you get the whole result right here.
Your answers save to the browser as you go. Even if you come back in a month, you’ll find them here.
Knowing what you need is the first step. Asking for it out loud is the second and it tends to be harder, especially when there are a few years of unsaid things behind it. I work with this in sessions, with individuals and with couples. The intro session is free and commits you to nothing.
Relationship coaching →More tools: personality test · 36 questions · the wheel of life